be the moon 

last saturday someone invited you to spend new years here, a thousand miles from home but a mile from me. you said no because it seems you forgot that living is a priority. instead you choose to put your job in lead

as if a career will stand by you when you’re bruised.
that same day i told you about a dream i had, i was crying to you that i am afraid because i haven’t seen the moon in a long time. you calmed me down & said that i should look harder, the moon is an eternal structure & i wasn’t looking the right way. i did & it was there & suddenly i was at peace. 

i told you i believe that all the pictures i see in my sleep end up happening, even the distorted ones.

you laughed. 

are you happy?

last summer we were ten minutes away from each other. we could’ve seen one another but if we do have one thing in common, it would be that we blame each other for circumstances we can’t control. i came to realize that life interferes in the form of obstacles that carve out a person and make them seem to be what they’re not. i wanted to ask you, would you go back and start all over? because I would. 

i think that is what kills me the most. knowing i might never have a chance to ask you questions about us, about you. what are the things that keep you up? who are the people that calm you down? am i either of these two? 

are you happy?

i wanted to tell you ive been writing about you, in poetry & prose. 

it’s messy but it distracts me from the image of you, lonely. 

are you happy?

two years ago we spent an unforgettable summer together. it changed my life. we didn’t know sleep nor sorrow. it was all joy on top of joy with sprinkles of what i visualise as epic love. you told me it meant nothing more than a temporary comfort zone. what you meant to say was you wanted this forever but you’re afraid. would you go back and start all over? i don’t know if i would. 

when i met you, i knew the miles between us would stretch. you were only a city away, then a country away and now continents away.

when i met you, i made you my moon and sun. i allowed you to be next to me day & night even though i knew you were out of reach. but it wasn’t enough for you. “its not what you want,” you’d say. 

oh but my love, it is. 

are you happy? 

because i don’t think i am. 

One thought on “be the moon 

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